Since I’ve been sprucing up my office a bit lately, I thought it was about time to get some foliage. Not a spruce, though. Get it? Sprucing up the office? Spruce tree? Hah? Yeah? Maybe I’ve been spending too much time alone in here, hey? I’m fucking losing my mind. Perhaps this new plant will help me out.
Anyway, the evening didn’t start off on a hunt for a plant. Our initial plan was to simply hit the store to get some chicken. A quick in and out session, you know? But how often do plans go as planned? Rarely. If everything were to go as planned, I’d be drawing a shirt design now and not writing about buying plants when I meant to buy chicken.
We started off properly. We walked into the store with a purpose and began towards the chicken. We didn’t even take a shopping cart because we were there for chicken. But we were weak. We didn’t keep up our purposeful gait. Unfortunately, we got sucked into the consumer shit on display and got sidetracked. I somehow ended up down the gardening aisle and suddenly came across a really nice looking plant. Mine. I knew it would be mine, dammit. So stupid. It was a subconscious purchase. My brain knew it before I did, and when I realized what was going on, I knew I was fucked. Monica came over and immediately liked the plant, too. I went back to go get a cart.
Did you read that? Did you catch that? I went back to get a cart. Those words changed everything. Everything went to shit at that moment, my friends.
When I went to grab the shopping cart, I passed by plant pots. I didn’t even stop walking as I grabbed one. You can’t have a plant without a decent plant pot. After loading the plant into the cart, I loaded up a bag of potting soil. Can’t put a plant in a huge pot without a sufficient amount of soil. With all the plant stuff taken care of, we finally went to get the chicken. While getting the chicken, we decided to grab some salmon since it’s in the same area. After that, I remembered we were low on apples, so I plopped in a bag of those. Oh fuck, since we’re here we might as well get some cucumbers. And bananas. Perhaps we’ll just swing by over there and pick up some peppers, too. Dammit!
But wait! The most fun part was just about to come. Because we didn’t think we were going to be hauling anything more than a pack of chicken, we brought the car to the store. It’s generally recommended that if you are going to buy a large plant, a large pot, plus a sack of dirt, you should bring your pickup truck. But my truck was at home. I didn’t need it to haul a bit of chicken. Luckily the seats in the car fold down and we were able to jam everything in the trunk. Unfortunately, I have to vacuum the car out now because of the spilled soil from the plant being tipped on its side. Fuck.
You thought I was done, didn’t you? Nope. Oh no. Not just yet. I won’t even get into details about how I broke off a branch of my new fucking plant while extracting it from the car. Or how I spilled potting soil all over the garage. The pisser part was when I brought the plant into the planned location in my office and it didn’t fit. It turns out the plant we bought in the huge store looks like a motherfucking tree in my house. This required moving some stuff around and putting the large tree plant in the opposite corner. So now I have to go out and get a smaller plant to fill up my original space. The chicken that cost me a plant is now costing me another plant.
That was one expensive pack of chicken.
Below: Walking my new plant through the store. I’m hoping the plant will give some life to my drawing space.
Below: Here’s the plant jammed into our trunk. The bag of soil is in the upper right. I see apples!
Below: The plant that is more like a tree. Anybody wanna buy a set of wheels?