I actually wrote this a couple nights ago, but forgot to post it.
As I’m writing this, I’m battling a piece of meat that’s stuck in my teeth. This fight has been going on for well over 15 minutes now and my anger temperature is rising dramatically. Fucking stupid stir-fry bastard, sonofabitch, tough little annoying prick piece of steak. Steak is good, but it enrages me when it gets stuck in my molars. Try as I might, I can’t work it out. I’m sitting here making contorted faces trying to press the meat into my cheek with my tongue so that I can pinch-grip it to haul it out. Bastard! I need two tongues. Or a fork tongue like a lizard. I even tried picking it out with a thumbtack, but my plan didn’t work. Now I taste blood. I’m basically trying anything that will possibly work before I have to resort to dental floss.
Oh, I should also mention that I will do almost anything to avoid putting my fingers in my mouth. It’s not that I’m concerned about germs so much as I don’t like getting slobber on my hands. I hate – fucking hate – when other people lick or suck their fingers when eating and spread their spit on things. Gross! So I don’t like getting spit on myself and transferring it to my keyboard or phone, etc. Spit stinks and it’s filthy shit that’s full of germs and fAAAAHAHAHA! Got it! I win! I got it! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Down with you, little piece of meat hell no longer taunting me! Fuck off!