Horror Movie

This has nothing to do with drawing or shirts, but it’s something to read.

I recently got dragged to a movie at the movie theatre by my family. They know I can’t stand it, but I was a nice guy and decided to play along. Why do I hate going to movies? Check out what I documented on my phone as things were unfolding:

It’s 7:08 and I’m waiting in line for the fucking movie theatre. The folks ahead if me are already shoveling their holes with popcorn. By shoveling, I mean palm-feeding, chewing with their mouths open, and finger licking the butter off their fat digits.

I just farted.

But yeah, now they are complaining about the price of popcorn with mouths full of food while force-feeding themselves. Fuck popcorn. Fuck movie popcorn. If it’s so expensive, why did you buy it?

I’m not totally upset, because I took Truck Von Truck to the car wash before arriving here, so I’m happy. It feels good to blast the salt and slop mess off my vehicle. We went out for a nice family supper, too.

Nobody needs that much popcorn. Pigs. Close your mouth.

Eating popcorn sketch

Okay, now I’m in the goddamned theatre and I’m instantly irritated. Fired right up. Some brood of mouth breathers armed with an arsenal of snacks has taken position behind me. Right the fuck behind me. Crinkling. Crackling. Chewing. Crinkling. Licking. Whispering. Crinkling and chewing brainless eating machines not even aware of what they are doing, taking aim directly at the core of my sensory cortex. Fuck off. I’m praying to go deaf right now. I should have brought my earmuffs.

Wait! I have a mean fart coming up! I will fight back with an air drop so nasty and vile that it will make them weep.

I hate how people have been conditioned to fill their mouths with junk shit at movies. Why eat here? Eat before the movie, asswipes! The last thing I want when at the movies, other than shitting myself, is to hear 130 people crinkling paper bags and chewing around me. Popcorn in a paper bag has to be the most annoying invention ever.

Now someone just kicked the back of my chair. I swear I’m going to fart this entire theatre to its knees!

Oh joy! The movie they dragged me to is an animated fucking musical! Wow, what a spectacular evening this has turned out to be! People chewing and singing!


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