I went to a hockey game the other night. I’m not really a fan of sports, but my kids like to go watch hockey sometimes. I decided it would be fun to take note of what thoughts went through my mind as I watched. Here goes:
Hockey. Mic the players. It would be interesting to hear what they might be saying under their breath, if anything.
Take a shot to he dink. I bet that would hurt like fuck.
Woman behind me shut up. Stop barking orders, old cow.
Shut up, man to my right! He’s not listening to you. And if you’re so knowledgeable, you get off your ass and show them how it’s done!
Oh joy! Audience participation games! If they single me out, I’m going to spit at them like a filthy camel.
Huh. I think I smell piss. That’s not good.
Fuck, I bet taking a whack with a stick on the hand would hurt.
Somebody should update the music in here, man.
It’d be hard not to fight with all the shoving and jabbing these guys do.
If everyone in here were to take a piss, I wonder how much piss that would be. I wonder how much piss is pissed on a typical day on Earth. In litres.
If I could sell every one if these folks a shirt, that would be good.
I just farted and I don’t care one bit.
Beer in plastic cups look like huge urine samples.
I’d hate to be the zamboni driver and crash in front of everyone. I would probably go red in the face and possibly even cry. Or just run away.
That loudmouth guy with the beer is here for the beer. Dink.
I wonder if I will ever need false teeth.
What would happen if I punched the mascot in the cock? If he/it even has a cock.
Hooooly fuck, a rough looking guy with different coloured glasses lenses just sat down next to us. What I mean is the left lens is clear and the right is tinted brown. Odd.
One more period left! Then I can go home and resume being lame.
Fuckin joy – more audience games now. Don’t pick me. Don’t pick me. Don’t pick me.
Fuck, something reeks like smoking section. Or an old bowling alley.
That guy over there is a knob.
That popcorn was good! Now I have the guilt. The treat remorse. It was only two handfuls.