Okay, so Crock is suffering a bit lately. Well, it’s hanging on, but it hasn’t been getting much of my attention because I am back in school. Trust me, I’d rather work on Crock, but I just need to get through this school stuff so I can have something to fall back on. Though I don’t need to fall back because Crock is going to make it, dammit. Long story short, I just have to get through some stuff.
So what has been cheesing me right off lately is math. Parts of it are okay and rather interesting when things work out, but holy fucking frustration x 2 when shit doesn’t add up. I don’t think it’s even the math that enrages me so much as the fact that I feel forced to learn it. My whole life has been stupid. What has made it worse is math. Without math, you’re basically useless to society. I understand the importance of math. I get it (not math – the importance of it). But why is it the thing that has teased me and fucked with me forever the thing that pretty much dictates success or failure on this planet? Why is it the thing that I struggle with is the deciding factor?
I’ll switch a bit here and suggest just how wretchedly confusing shit is. Okay, so I’m a mentally confused individual. We all know this. I have been seeking inspiration and answers about life and whatnot for the past while and I’ve found some common themes. Lots of quotes and writings suggest doing what you feel comfortable doing. Do what comes naturally. Be true to yourself and live your best life. What I have ultimately discovered is all that stuff is a steaming pile of double-coiled peanut shit. Sure, you can do what makes you happy and what inspires you and what is true to you, but after – and only after – you get to drag through the misery of daily life (unless you’re really super fucking lucky). Okay, okay, so stuff really isn’t all that bad, but what kills me is what I really like doing isn’t realistic or taken seriously.
This brings me to another paragraph. Below this sentence.
Fuckin’ rights I love brewing ideas and drawing things. Guess what? It’s real. It’s a real thing. What blows about everything is I’m one of the people who kinda doesn’t really get a hardon for math, yet I have to learn it. My raging question is why don’t people who love math have to learn to draw? (A friend of mine is good at both and she’s very fortunate. You know who you are.) Know what I mean? It doesn’t seem fair. What I’m really good at in life isn’t as important as someone who can do math. I think it’s time the math people have to learn how to draw things. We need to make it even around here. It sucks being the idiot all the time. It would be nice for me to feel like the genius for once. Again, don’t get me wrong – I understand the importance of math. But just think of how totally fucking shitty our world would be without people who can draw and design things. It would probably be pretty boring and lifeless.
I have ranted. Now I will go. Guess why. Just guess. Here goes: because I have more fucking math homework to do. Not draw. No. Math. Fuck.
You stay tuned. Stay tuned, friends. We’ve got some new shirts brewing…