Dressing for work in the trades is entertaining. It’s also expensive as shit when first starting out. As a multimedia designer in my previous job, I had about 6 pairs of pants, 5 pairs of shoes, and 10 – 15 shirts. When I was home illustrating Crock of Shirt stuff the past couple years, I wore Crock tees, shorts, and slippers. Now that I’m training in school again, I am required to wear proper gear.
The first day I bought my new steel toe boots hurt a little because $200 for footwear is a little painful in my world right now. And the boots themselves were mildly painful. That’s more my issue and not the boots, probably because I had spent the last 12 years in shoes or slippers. The past 2 or 3 years have made me even softer by primarily wearing lightweight gym shoes and slippers. But the boots are pretty fun because I feel like a tank that can stomp over anything. Now that the boots are worn in a bit and my heels have healed from the bloody blisters, the boots are very comfortable. My favourite part of the clothing started out with the pants. (I’ve since grabbed overalls and they are even better!) I like them because they are durable. Even better is since we get dirty working, I can let go and be a pig. For instance, I just wiped my fork on my pants. It had some tuna on it from lunch. I swiped it on my leg and I don’t even care. That doesn’t mean I can just go shit myself, but a little tuna here and there isn’t a big deal.
As I mentioned previously, I grabbed some new overalls, which initially concerned me. I was curious to know what the consequences were if I farted. I suspected it would get trapped longer than in standard pants because of the bib. Ultimately, I scheduled a test fart in the shop to determine if there was any collateral damage. I farted as hard as I safely could (don’t want to shit myself) in the shop and nobody detected a hint of it. The shop setting is so overcome with noise and smells that I can get away with even the most heinous salvo of fart. Though by writing this, I just blew my cover. Farts aside, the overalls are very comfy. It’s like wearing a hammock. A hammock with helpful pockets everywhere to hold tools and things. It’s a bit like being a motor home. Think of a bathing suit as being a two-seat convertible – useless (but awesome), whereas a pair of overalls has everything I need (except a cup holder). But I can carry a pencil, notebook, and whatever other assortment of tools I might need for the task. (Shitty, I just slopped steak sauce on my overalls. Oh well. They’re dirty anyway. And they’re black, so the steak sauce will grind in nicely and be completely undetected.) The one downside I have realized with overalls is it’s a bit of a hassle to take a piss. Without getting into too much detail, I never use the underwear flap with zipper maneuver to haul out the equipment while wearing standard pants. I undo the button and zipper and proceed with the frontal pull-down. The thing with overalls is you kind of have to do the zipper fishing method because the bib and shoulder straps have you all sealed up. And I don’t even want to imagine what going for a dump is like. I guess you’d have to remove the straps and roll it all down. But how would you secure all your tools from falling out of the bib? How would you keep the straps from touching the floor? Very risky situation. If my pencil or tape measure were to fall out of the bib onto the piss floor, I’d be forced to replace them. Hmm, perhaps a test dump at home where I can iron out the kinks might be a good idea.
Below: A really blurry selfie of my overalls. You can see my blue pencil poking out of the pocket. There appears to be another something in the pocket, but I can’t recall what it is. Also, no idea what the cat is thinking in this picture. He’s probably jealous because he can’t carry his pencil like I can.
Finally, another thing I kind of enjoy is ear protection. I like wearing my earplugs. In fact, I wore my earplugs in a recent math test so that I could focus on my work. Not only do they filter out excessive noise, but they also filter out excessive annoying bullshit. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t mind wearing earplugs on a semi-permanent basis. I’m happy in my own thoughts. Umm, happy in my own thoughts as evidenced by the fact that I enjoyed writing about farting in overalls. I’m not sure most people would do that. But I’m not most people.
Wait! I said that the last paragraph was “finally”, but I fucked up. This is finally. Finally, another key to my new wardrobe is I always wear a Crock of Shirt shirt under my overalls. Crock is always with me! I may not be able to work on Crock of Shirt as much as I’d like right now, but it’s always on my mind.