Grey Nostril Ticklers

Grey hairs. Eyesight blurring. 38 and shit’s starting to go. Fuck fuck.

So I’ve been noticing lately that things seem to be a little blurry at a distance. Oh, and I have some floaties in my left eye, which has been described as typical for my age (38 at the time of this writing). Typical or not, this stuff still concerns me a bit. At least I still have good taste in what I can see. I can still taste things, too (unfortunate at the time of this writing because this cup of tea that I’m sipping tastes like ass). But I must admit that the slight blur on things really pisses me off. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so seeing things that aren’t perfect anymore is irritating. What’s even more irritating are the grey nostril hairs that I have to pluck out of my nose. In fact, the hairs are white and wiry. When I pluck them, they are like snapping guitar strings under tension. And it makes my eyes water, my nose run, and I sneeze.

The whole process is quite pathetic – I’m squinting to see the hair as I zoom in with tweezers, then flinching in anticipation of the immediate discomfort that is about to slap me. After the wiry prick has been hauled out of my nostril, I end up reeling in sneezing, snotty pain with tears filling my old eyeballs, making them even more blurry. One little hair pluck can reduce me to a blind, crying snotball. Sneezing just makes it stupid. There’s no way to describe the situation other than stupid.

Care must be taken in the plucking scenario. You have to plan ahead. For instance, the order of things have to be taken into consideration. I have to be careful that when I am hair plucking from my sensitive nostrils that it makes me sneeze, which makes my nose run and eyes water. Therefore, I have to remember to set aside a tissue or some asswipe so that I’m not blindly flailing about the washroom when it comes time to blow my leaking nose. But since I’m in acute pain from the hair extraction and my eyes are watering, I can’t recklessly hit panic mode and bugger up the order of things or I risk wiping my eyes with the nose-blow tissue, which could result in ending up with snot-laminated eyelids.

Well, I’d better go. The brightness from the monitor is bothering me now. It’s getting late. Almost 9:00 pm.


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