The Flying Dutchman

Pathetic. My frequency for updating is getting worse. I’m having difficulties with timing and some minor graphics issues while being out in hell (the job). I shall try harder.

As my working career has gone completely sideways, my time off from work has gone for a complete shit, too. The harder I crave being an artist, the more I get sucked away from it. Fuck that. That’s fuckin bullshit. Even more bullshitty is my current work has taken me away from home and family – my ultimate hell. Every time I leave home, I feel like a bastard to my kids.

I was starting to warm up a degree or two with staying in my brother-in-law’s fifth wheel, but plans changed and I had to find other accommodation. He got sent to another job for a month and I was to remain behind. Being the cheap genius that I am, I rented an old fifth wheel for a month so I’d have a place to sleep on the cheap. Little did I know the accommodations don’t come with running water. That means no washing dishes. It also means no middle of the night pissing. Great. So awesome. That’ll teach me to rent something sight-unseen.

Below: The Dutchmen fifth wheel I am temporarily calling home. Ten more sleeps in this jail and that’s it.

Fifth wheel camper

I have devised a few solutions to my problems. I’m thinking about joining the aquatic centre here, which will solve my shower problem. The campground has showers, but they are kinda creepy. Also, the aquatic centre will have a hot tub for me to boil myself alongside other chunks of boiling flesh. Joy. Then I will shower for as long as I want. On hot.

Update: The aquatic centre plan got fuckered because it is closed until early October for annual maintenance. Why me?

My solution to the lack of water for doing dishes is quite simple. I shall use paper plates. When I am finished eating, I will simply burn the plates in the campfire that I will light to cook some food. Is that wasteful? Maybe. But at this point I do not care. And I don’t have water, so whatever.

camp fire

Update: I do have water. But only cold water to the kitchen sink. It was recommended that I do not use the bathroom in the trailer. So for washing dishes, I boil a pot of water and add it to the cold. Why me?

Haha, actually, I just got back from the shower and I pulled a slick move. I brought my backpack with me and snuck in some Tupperware that I had used for lunch. Indeed, I had a shower with my Tupperware. It’s clean. I’m clean. If they don’t like bits of meat sauce wedged in the shower drain, provide me with warm water.

The more serious issue at hand here is I don’t have a place to take a leak in the middle if the night. I figure I’ll save a cottage cheese container and use it for a piss cup. I pissed outside this morning under the stars, but that could be risky in bear country. My other concern is the size of the cottage cheese container. It’s a 750g container, so it should be okay to handle the volume. However, I’m not certain. Last year, I had to crack off a disguise leak beside my truck into an empty Starbucks Tall cup and I easily overflowed it, which required a quick and moderately painful emergency shutoff of the flow until I hastily emptied and repositioned the cup. We’ll see what happens, I guess.

Update: I did, in fact, wake up in the middle of the night the other day and was alarmed at the sound of heavy rain. I had to piss. Badly. I considered using the kitchen sink, but opted to not go into total filth mode just yet. Indeed, this gave me the chance to try out the cottage cheese container. Odd, yes. However, it seems my bladder holds just shy of 750g of urine, so I managed to pull off the cottage container with surprising success.

Below: This kind of thing is my urinal. This particular one is not the one I have used.

cottage cheese container

Oh, I forgot to mention that the power is limited in the fifth wheel, so using the microwave is risky, so I’m told. Not risky for fire, but risky for tripping breakers. Of course. So I use limited lighting and light candles. To heat my coffee the other day, I put the cup in the pan beside my chicken supper. Why? To save propane, of course! Why me?

Below: Heating supper and dessert simultaneously. I’m a crafty dude.

chicken and coffee in a pan

All that said, I do have enough power and a bit of free time to draw Crock of Shirt stuff on my laptop! Like I’ve said before, I refuse to let it die, so I’m pushing on as best I can.

Stay tuned…

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